I’m taking my bookmark off Grendel — for now.
Grendel, the murderous monster in Beowulf, tells his side of the story in this John Gardner book. The first few pages speak of Grendel’s anger. He was angry at his mother, humans, their living condition. He was angry at life. I would have continued if he only haunted the moors, went on rampage and made hell on Earth. But by Chapter 2, Grendel’s anger turned into nihilistic ramblings. He began thinking, exploring and questioning the meaninglessness of life.
Then, I was worried.
Knowing my fragile mental and emotional state, I knew I wasn’t ready to take in Grendel’s troubles. I have my own existential crisis to manage. It’s the healthier choice. Me first. Perhaps one day, when life gets a little kinder, I’ll have a better reaction to Grendel’s view that “the world is nothing but a mechanical chaos of casual, brute enmity on which we stupidly impose our hopes and fears” other than nod.
Have you tried switching books? Did you feel guilty for not being mentally/emotionally ready for a certain read? 🥺
October 21, 2020 at 9:32 am
Have you tried switching books? Did you feel guilty for not being mentally/emotionally ready for a certain read? …. guilty as charged..lol… i did many times Maria
October 21, 2020 at 1:00 pm
Haha. I feel you, Mich! What are you reading this time?
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October 21, 2020 at 2:31 pm
I have not been reading lately, di ako makaget over nawawala ang Poemsia ko ni Lang Leav…huhuhu…
October 25, 2020 at 6:45 pm
I have done, dearie, and reading your summary made me support your choice of action. our mental health comes first (and it’s okay to feel guilty, too). 🙂